Weekend Coffee Share : Ambivalence

This is my first post on the Weekend Coffee Share which is a weekly feature by Part-Time Monster.

If we were having coffee, it would probably be at my place, and I would have brewed it myself. No, I’d rather not take you out to a fancy place, this week, primarily because I want to spend all the time I have, every minute, at home.

After we’ve picked a cozy spot here, I’d want to know what’s new in your life, and want to start from where we left off the last time we met, or start afresh if we haven’t done this before. I’d ask questions that don’t just tell me about what’s up in your life, but also how you feel about where you are, but you’d answer those if only you’d like to let me in, just a bit.

When you’d ask me what’s on my mind this week, I’d tell you how its’s so hard to believe that school, even college is over, and it’s time to step into a whole new phase, again. I can’t believe I’m going to start working now! I’d tell you about how I’ve started packing this week, trying to condition myself for the next step in life. It’s not the first time things are changing so much, and it’s not even going to be the last, but there’s this part of me just doesn’t want to leave – not because I’m scared of what lies ahead, but because I don’t know when I’ll be back home for such a long time, again.

I want to bundle up all my memories and take those with me, and also leave things behind, so that home feels like home when I’m back. But, I don’t know how to pack, or what to pack and what to leave out! Today, I put a few of my choicest books, like Matilda by Roald Dahl and  the first of the Harry Potter series into my “Going” box, just a bit of childhood travelling with me. Yes, decided to leave out the other 6 from the Harry Potter series (including Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, my favourite-est), just trying to find a middle path. There’s also this diary I have from school, which all my friends had filled with anecdotes and incidents and silly jokes, in the last few days. That’s really close to my heart, it brings back so many memories, and also reminds me about the version of myself I was at school.

As far as the fresh college memories are concerned, I can’t seem to be able to leave behind all those gifts people have given me on my birthday for the past 3 years, I also have scraps of the gift wrapping paper and little scribbled notes friends gave me from each year! I’m a hoarder, yes I am, and a very proud one at that. I’ve decided to continue using a few things, like the lock to my hostel room, my college coffee mug and bits of stationary. And, I found all these videos from the first year in college, those are gold, so many memories gushing back!

When’s the last time you entered into a new stage of life? Did you feel the bouts of excitement, nervousness and fear of uncertainty like I am now? How did you decide what to take, and what to leave behind, what’s worth hoarding and what you should just let go of?